Freshman Eagerly Awaits Triumphant Return To Old High School Over Break

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SAN JOSE — After joining both UCLA’s club soccer team and pre-law society, freshman Lyle Carter cannot wait to drive all the way to his old high school during winter break and forcibly interrupt the classes of all his former teachers, all while wearing his newest UCLA sweater.

“When you’ve had some of the experiences I’ve had, wouldn’t you want to share them too?” asked the Leland High School graduate, mainly referring to his getting an A- in Econ 1, trying sushi for the first time, and the one Lakers game he went to with his floor. “Honestly, who else is going to tell their students about the wonder of college? Who is going to tell them that attending class isn’t mandatory, that you can eat breakfast in the afternoon, and that I’m probably going to double major in economics and political science?”

Carter, the former vice president of Model United Nations and soccer goalie at Leland, expressed his intention to “just drop in” on his old teachers and linger awkwardly in the classroom until his old teachers stop teaching and allow him to speak. “How could they mind? Nothing they could be teaching could possibly be as important as my undeniably unique experience as a college student” declared Carter as he excitedly mapped the most efficient route through his old stomping grounds.

When asked about the impending homecoming of Carter, Leland government teacher Jeffrey Portman told Daily Ruin “Carter? Lyle Carter? Are you sure he was in my class last year? Doesn’t bring anything to mind.”

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