SUBURB OF METROPOLITAN CITY – Weird Girl You Kind Of Knew In High School and Strange But Nice Religious Man are excited to announce that they are getting married! It was love at first sight since the moment they met in the pipecleaner section of a craft store, at a 90s sitcom trivia night or somewhere else most people avoid .
When asked if she was too young to be getting married, Weird Girl You Knew in Highschool said, “I know I love him. I’ve loved him ever since he printed that cat meme and left it on my doorstep,” or something very similar to that. Her comment was met by a collective eye roll from everyone on your facebook feed, except Weird Girl’s Aunt or possibly Step Mom Who Is Checking the Community Center’s Summer Wedding Availability. She is probably also scoping out suburban backyards.
In high school, Weird Girl’s favorite activities included building tiny houses for insects, and eating warm yogurt for lunch, and maybe other things. Now, Weird Girl’s hobbies include posing for uncomfortably dramatic engagement pictures at a lake or pumpkin patch and posting statuses about her fiance’s dietary restrictions. She does still build tiny houses for insects.
Strange But Nice Religious Man has an almost fun retail job and talks about country music, antique watches, and some niche horror movie more than is socially comfortable. He always wears ergonomically correct shoe and his hair is generally a little more gelled back or spiked than one would want. His parents are devout members of “some offshoot of Christianity”, as is he. He has nice eyes, but a boring face. You talked to him once at an Alumni Thing for your high school. It was tolerable.
Luckily, you probably won’t be invited to Weird Girl You Knew in High School’s wedding. But, beware, because the next one to get married will be Sorta Cool Girl You Talked To In Geometry, and you might be invited to that. And you’ll have to start worrying about if you have a date.
Illustration by Hannah Burnett