10 Things Every Indian Student Should Know Before Coming to UCLA

indian

  1. The American accent doesn’t exist here. YOU’RE the one with an accent.
  2. You won’t find “Hella” in any dictionary ever published. Trust me, I’ve tried. Thrice.
  3. Be prepared for questions like the ever-popular “Do you ride elephants to school?” In time you will learn to respond with “Only when my cow is getting new udders fitted.”
  4. Your dancing will, without fail, be judged by Bollywood standards.
  5. Everything you do will, without fail, be judged by Bollywood standards.
  6. The very fact that, having lived in India all your life, you can actually string a couple of sentences together in English will be too much information for your orientation group to handle.
  7. You will be expected to say “Holy Krishna!” three times a day. This will, however, not preclude the use of other, more juicy expletives that you use on a daily basis.
  8. For some reason, the thermostats in the dorm rooms don’t go up to a very pleasant 122.
  9. The beggars at traffic lights in Indian cities will be competently replaced by the flyer-distributors on Bruinwalk.
  10. You will chuckle softly to yourself when someone calls any place “crowded”. ♦
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