The Women’s March: Mansplained

In case you didn’t hear, last weekend, there was a “Women’s March”. For those of you who don’t know, a march is when people hold up signs and yell about things they are upset about. It’s not that efficient, but it helps people feel as though they are in control. Plus, women love being in control of everything. So, that’s why this march was so successful.

I decided not to go to the Women’s March. I made the right decision. The whole march became an anti-Trump rally; when you march, you need to march for one reason. You can’t say that you’re going to march for one thing, and then march for everything that you think is wrong with America. That’s not how marching works. Look at the ticker-tape parade for the [insert sport’s team], everyone is focused on ONE thing. You need to do it like that.

I’m just playing devil’s advocate here. You need to listen to critiques, rather than always complaining about how hard it is to be a woman. That glass ceiling thing? No way women make 70% of what men make. I would know, I worked as a lifeguard back home and got paid the same amount as all of the female lifeguards.

I did really like all the signs at the Women’s March. I saw them all on Facebook because women are really good at social media. They really care about how other women perceive them, which is why they all tell each other that they’re pretty: they want to be told the same thing in return. Anyway, all the posters were great because women are simply more creative than men. While men are better at making money and having a career, women are great at arts and crafts.

A recent study was released that proved women overthink things. That’s what happened at the Women’s March. A group of women met, wanted to make a movement, and then just started to think that they could do it all. Clearly, they can’t. Has Liz Lemon taught you anything? You can’t have it all: that’s called greed. The mixed messages of the March proves this, as when women tried to organize just one march in DC, it became an international movement. That’s what overthinking gets you: a movement that is outside of your control. Women love control, so I can’t imagine that they’re too happy about this.

 

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